Cup o’ Joe

16 Jun

I occasionally contemplate the disproportionately high number of men in baseball who carry the name Joe. Think about it, baseball fans. I’m sure you can rattle off two rosters’ worth of Joe’s. I’ll get you started: DiMaggio, “Shoeless” Jackson, Mauer, Maddon, Torre, Girardi, Beimel, Nathan, etc.

I’m confident that the reason they put players’ last names on jerseys, instead of first names, is due to the Joe Phenomenon. Can you imagine the announcers’/listeners’ confusion? “…Joe at bat with Joe on first, and Joe in scoring position, Joe leads off at second… and here’s the pitch, Joe deals, and it’s a fastball right into Joe’s glove! Joe is caught looking! Joe strikes out Joe! Inning over! Due up next in the lineup, Joe, Joe, and Joe.”

Joe’s are abundant in Major League Baseball. Ergo, I have formulated this hypothesis: If you’re from the English-speaking world, and you want your son to be a successful ballplayer (so you can see him on tv, have a comfortable retirement, and otherwise bask in his #eternalfameandglory), name him Joe.

It’s good to be a Joe. Take it from Joe.


Beaucoup de Joe’s (that’s French) in the Bigs likely means that scouts scour neighborhood parks and high school games looking for kids not with promise, nor raw talent (lefty’s), or 97mph fastballs, but kids named Joe. Conclusion: Kids named Joe have a better chance of making it to The Show than kids with any other name (because as a psychology student, I know correlation = causation #badpsychjokes).

Also, for your consideration: If you live outside the US/Canada (DR, Puerto Rico, Mexico, Cuba, etc.) the name that guarantees your son’s baseball success is: Jose.

Did you catch that curveball, dear reader? It’s the SAME NAME! #trickery. After observing the associated Jose trend, we have more figures to input to our database, and further evidence to make the case: Molina, Bautista, Reyes, Contreras, Conseco, etc., etc.

I’ll say it again, it’s good to be a Joe Jose.

Getty Images via


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